Funny Farm

Chester laying on the dog's crate even though
he knows it drives the dog crazy

The beasts be driving me bonkers lately.

I love all my brood, but they're really grating on my nerves.  Perhaps it's just the fact that summer is over and I'm cranky about it.  No, probably not.  It probably has something to do with the fact that from the moment I'm in the door, either the cat or the dog are whining in my face, or ripping the blanket off the couch, or taking eachother's toys, or fighting eachother for time with me.  This is why I don't have a boyfriend, y'all.

Have I ever told you my theory that I always end up with difficult animals?

Chester, the cat, is a hellraiser.  He goes where he wants, when he wants.  This might sound like any cat you've ever met, but I assure you that anyone who ever meets him remarks on how he's just a little more "my way or the highway" than most cats.  He lays on the table while I eat supper, and try as I might for five years, I cannot discipline that cat.  He cries outside the bedroom door at all hours of the night, and I find cat hair in basically everything I eat.  He is currently licking my shoulder.

Izzy preparing to tear apart my couch
just to hide her bone

Izzy, the dog, may be the death of me.  She barks at everything and she whines constantly to go outside.  She loves the outside so much but no amount of time can ever placate her.  If we went on a camping trip and lived outside for a week, I have no doubt that the next day she would whine all day to go back outside.  She follows me everywhere, so much so that I have taken up closing the door every time I go into the bathroom - if even just to brush my teeth - so I can have at least 2 seconds alone.

Walker is no better.  Which I'm sure you already know if you've been keeping up.  Never have I met a horse who would fight you over the stupidest little things.  For almost 6 months when I got him, he would not canter in one particular corner of the outdoor arena.  I mean, he would canter beautifully around the entire arena but the minute he got to that corner (which wasn't even the corner with the gate in it!) he would stop cantering - no matter how hard I kicked, spurs or crops included.  This is just one in a series of stupid little things he decides he is or isn't going to do.  Once he's through with one annoying habit, he quickly finds a new one to replace it.

Don't get me wrong.  I love them all dearly, and I know that this is the bargain we make for our relationship with animals.

But so help me god, some days I just want to leave the  door open (stall door or otherwise) and say, "Be free, animals.  Return to the wild."