I'm not going to sell my horse... probably

Now that I have woken up this morning clear headed, I can say for certainty (certainty-ish) that I will not sell my horse.

But my anger and our extended break needs to remain for a while, and it seems fair that I wait until he is sound/shod.

It's true that since getting Walker, my interests have changed significantly and it's more than likely that Walker will not be capable of keeping up with them.  I already know that he can't jump anymore, which eliminated 85% of my interests and dashed my dreams pretty significantly.

But the other truth is that Walker or no Walker, I was never going to compete at a high level at anything.  For one thing, I hate shows because they stress me out, and for another, I live in the middle of nowhere.  There are simply not a lot of options for me in that way unless I'm going to trailer my horse a long distance and win the lotto.

I bought Walker to have a horse and to ride.  He fulfills that minimal obligation, and I do love him very dearly (even though it might not feel that way today).  He's a stubborn problem child sometimes, but in other ways, he's unbelievably obliging.  He's the type of horse I would put a child on (and have) while at the same time saying that he could never be a child's horse.  He'll try and do anything I ask him to, but if I don't ask him nicely, he won't do anything at all.

We clash and we mesh.

For now, the Walker troubles are simply just another conflict in a string of conflicts in other areas of my life.  Could I deal with him if those other things weren't going on as well?  Most definitely.  Do I blame him for anything?  Not at all.  He is a horse.  He doesn't understand why I do what I do or feel the way I feel.  He means nothing by his behaviour.  If anything, I always get the impression that when he is disrespectful, it's like he thinks I disrespected him first.  It goes both ways I guess.

I feel like the real soul searching that I have to do has nothing to do with Walker.  Other things need to be worked out before I can even figure out what I'm going to do in my equestrian life.  We do our best to isolate our horse world from the outside world, but unfortunately the walls break down sometimes and reality has to set in.

My current plan: a few days break from the pony, get him shod, get him sound, get back on.  Move forward.