Does it make me a bad mom to say that - while I am obviously utterly heartbroken that I cannot ride Walker and, for all I know, may never ride him again - I also really enjoy not riding him?
When I got my Walker-diagnosis, I intended to jump into lessons immediately and be ready when or if he came back into work. Instead, because of many reasons, I took August off, not just from Walker, but from horses.
Here are a few things I love about not riding my horse or any horse:
I have some. In fact, I have lots of it. Oodles of it.
I never realized just how much time I actually spent riding and at the barn. Now, even if I come home late from work, there are still hours - HOURS - left in the evening.
I can read more. Bake more. Walk more. Learn more.
I have some.
Even though Walker is sick, I somehow am in the clear better than when I was riding.
Why? Well, I also got a raise and moved Walker to a cheaper barn.
But I also don't buy magical tack that I expect to make Walker a glorious warmblood stallion or myself Ian Miller.
I haven't spent money on lessons. I haven't spent money on equine massages or new gloves or horsey magazines.
I don't spend money because when your horse is lounging in a field and you're lounging on the couch, there's really no reason to shell out except for the day to day, unavoidable expenses.
Quality Time With My Main Man.
Now that Walker needs minimal supervision from me (and I do mean, minimal), I can actually enjoy him.
I can stand in the sunshine in his beautiful field and just chill out with him. And he will munch his grass or trot over to me or nuzzle my hair.
There's no rush to wipe away grime that he no longer attracts, or rush to tack, ride, untack, repeat so that I can get home to eat, sleep, repeat.
Don't get me wrong, I miss it. Of course, I miss it.
But not riding is kind of like a cheat day on a diet. You know you're going to go back to the diet the next day, so for the meantime, you might as well wash your deep fried fish and chips down with beer.
It's kind of fun being lazy.